How to learn from everyone
Let’s start with a hypothesis that the purpose of life is to learn. It is fine if right now you think that you may have a different purpose whether it is materialistic (status, money etc) or spiritual (peace, enlightenment etc). But in day to day, in perusing that purpose, you will still be learning something.
The point is you cannot avoid learning even if you want. Learning is sort of mandatory activity, something done even when you don’t like. There is no escape. This is because curiosity is our inherent nature. If it is so much part of it by default, the question is how we can make it more effective in our day-to-day conversations with people. Here are few thoughts to ponder.
Learn from what you like
Many of my honest conversations are with cab drivers, while going to or coming back from the airport. Whether it is a business trip in another country or a personal vacation in another city. I admire and wonder, how wise many of these cab drivers are. Even when they did not get the opportunity to go to school sometimes. One reason why drivers are so wise is because they are uniquely placed to see the real people nature’s with so proximity. As most of the passengers talk in front of them as if there is no human being around.
One of my favorite questions during these conversations is to know their key life learnings so far? During one my business trip in UK in 2017, I used to call same cab driver for pick up and drop. Over few days he became like a friend. When I asked this question to him, he said he never miss an opportunity to help anyone. The statement came from him with so much conviction and clarity that it touched me. It remains with me until now after so many years.
Learn from what you don’t like
Long flights say between US and India are great opportunity for solitude, reflection and deep conversations. On several of such trips, I have had a good fortune to find many interesting people sitting next to me. One great thing about these conversations are that you know very well how diverse background somebody can have. This makes you naturally more open and non-judgemental.
On one such trip in 2014, I had a middle age gentleman sitting in aisle seat next to me. Immediately after boarding the flight he asked the air hostess for something. Don’t remember exactly but it was a wet towel or water to drink. The hostess as expected was busy in making the boarding arrangements. After few minutes of wait, he again called the hostess and said “if I don’t get it immediately, your airline share price can go down the very next day”. The hostess obviously obliged him his requirement without giving much weight to what he said. I curiously asked him how he could influence the share price of such a big airline. For next few hours he shared he was the ex-CEO of a large US bank and how he has the network with credit agencies and so on. Frankly at that time I was in a complete awe of his success stories which he shared. But after reaching home and reflecting I thought it was a good learning experience of how not to be.
Learn from what makes them whole
No one is perfect. No one is a fool too. Everyone is somewhere in between. The range is so big that it provides ample variations. So much that almost no two people can be plotted at same spot. If you see only weak side of someone, you will miss the strong side. Similarly, if you focus on only the good side, how will learn from his weaknesses.
On a business trip to US in 2016, I was staying in a hotel for couple of weeks. Fortunately, there was one more colleague with me staying in the same hotel. When I first spoke to him, he offered me a smoke and asked if I could join him for a drink in the evening. Keeping my judgement aside, I declined the smoke and agreed to join him to a near bar making it clear that I will have some non-alcoholic beverage. Over a period, there were many other differences which surfaced. But I kept my curiosity to learn about him more and more. By the end of trip, I realised he has so much to offer from his vast experience.
Learn from their magical journey
Understanding someone wholeness also gives you an opportunity to know their unique stories with a new perspective.
I met someone who was introduced by my friend as someone dedicated to a spiritual path. At the first meeting, I thought he is living a perfect life and aspired to be like him. Only when I asked the question, whether I want to replace my life with him, I realised that he has reached where he is through a journey. Like I have reached where I am. This journey of everyone is unique and magical. This journey is something to be witnessed, not analysed.
Learn from what they like about you
In my search of like-minded people, I look for workshops, events and gatherings of personal development. Many of these events have shaped me as a person. I specially learned when I see people from rather different walks of life coming in these events. This makes me think how same thing can be approached from so many views.
In one such workshop retreat, the facilitator asked all participants to share one word for each participant. Among 20 odd participants, 17 of them, said something related to curiosity when they described me. Until then I was not very comfortable with my curiosity. Sometimes I used to be ashamed also of asking so many questions. In many classroom setups, I felt as if I am the only one who is not getting the stuff. After that feedback, I realised curiosity is what defines me. When I looked deeper, I believe curiosity is what define anyone and not just me.
Learn from what they don’t like about you
Being an introvert, social parties is something I have always dreaded. But then my curiosity always encouraged me to attend whenever invited. And to be frank, I have never regret going as there is always something to learn.
One of the common feedbacks I used to get was that I am too silent, not participating in conversations or simply look out of the place sometimes. Nothing unexpected though, but still these comments used to make me uncomfortable. But lately, I have learned to strike a right balance by working on my listening and being more present to everyone. Though I am still preferring to observe more than participate, fortunately everyone else feels I am connected.
Learn from what makes you whole
It is easy to be a narcissist and feel yourself to be flawless. Another prevalent approach is an attempt to become flawless. But more helpful view could be to embrace your flaws and integrate them in your life by being more present to them. This reminds me of a Japanese concept of Wabi-sabi which is about seeing beauty in every imperfection.
In my own life, I have learned to let go of so many “should be’s” which have allowed me to enjoy what is happening. One simple example is I have resisted to eat samosas (fried/oily food) in order to be healthy for a long time. When I learned to not to be so hard on myself, I don’t mind having it once in a while enjoying every moment right from picking it from the table, carrying in my hand, having the first bite, taste it completely before swallowing.
Learn from your magical journey
What did you learn from the child you? From youth you? From current you? From future you?Life is full of interesting events. Life is in shades of greys. In imperfections. In accepting contradictions. In being comfortable to change your view-points. In learning every day. From everybody. Every moment. In seeing that everything is a joke. Or nothing is a joke.
I want to finish this by saying that every person is a mirror for yourself, and you are a mirror for every person. When so many mirrors look at each other, you see a collective image of everything in everyone. And you realize yourself being a “whole part” of that collectiveness. You already know everything. This might explain why you don’t want to learn and thinks you are the best learner😊.
