Dummies guide to discover your ordinariness.

Amar (all names changed) is a senior executive in an MNC and has been working very hard this year as well. He is impatiently expecting the company management to promote him this year. He was very upset as he was passed by the management last year. If not promoted this year, he is promising himself that he will stop giving his best. Many of his peers have already been promoted even though he thinks they were not as deserving as himself.

Rajdeep recently started his own food restaurant business assuming it to be an ever-green Industry. He thought to rapidly grow as more and more people prefer to eat outside in coming years. But as the pandemic hit, the business took a hit, and he is not even able to pay salaries to his staff. He is worried what will happen if the situation does not improve.

Rekha is 30 and looking for a good life partner for herself. In the past few years, she has met many potential candidates but could not find anyone who fulfills her conditions.

Sandeep’s son is unable to get admission in a good college so he is trying to arrange to money for his admission into a private college of repute.

And so on..

These are some common scenarios which you might have seen around you. The common thread in all these examples are that you want to get to the next level. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that and everyone has a right to achieve their potential.

There are 2 paths to achieve your potential. One is outside-in approach or path of become extra-ordinary by following what others are doing or what others consider as successful. Another method is inside-out or path of becoming ordinary which is simpler, stress-free and at the same time more fulfilling.

This may sound contradictory to what you might have heard so far. Instinctively, we feel that the only way to beat out the competition is by not being ordinary. However, the struggle to be special becomes an inner Kurukshetra (battlefield) in our lives. This battle even when won gives only a short duration of joy followed by a loop of same struggle all over again.

Deception of being somebody.

Everyone starts as being nobody. But nobody wants to be nobody for ever. Everyone wants to be at least somebody. Being somebody gives a shelter whereas being nobody is shelter less. Shelter gives the much-needed identity to survive in this world. Having an identity helps to define yourself. As this identity defines who you are, the natural desire is, why not to make it better, bigger and faster. This is how the competition to become special or extra-ordinary begins.

This pursuit for specialness becomes intense with time. The mind helps to define more specific goals by giving shape to what success looks like. Since mind is outward looking, generally these goals are based on what you see and feel around yourself. Since everyone is on this pursuit, the game becomes more interesting and engaging as you must be on your toes to compete with so many others having similar desires. This engagement is called the illusion of life. This illusion can be broken only if you turn your attention inside.

Journey back home

The curiosity to understand and know ourselves is natural in all of us. However, many times this curiosity is ignored in pursuit of achieving extra-ordinary goals. What is simply needed is a moment of pause. To question those goals. Why am I running after them? What is next once I have achieve them? Am I enjoying this path? What purpose these goals are serving? Am I honoring my values in the process?

These reflections and some other pointers shared later will take you to a journey back home. In one word, being ordinary is a path to again become nobody. There is no competition here. Rather you take every day decisions based on what you really want mindfully and without being intimated by anyone else. This is not a journey of perfection. You will still do lot of mistakes. But you will also course correct as and when required. This journey is not about big milestone but small things which create meaningful relationships.

This is not so much future oriented but living moment by moment in the right direction. This is about not finding faults in others but recognizing and working on your own narcissism. This is almost like seeing more clearly with a new glasses. Not from your point of view, but from nobody’s point of view. The nobody’s point is the view of the universe and is not biased by personal agendas and benefits. Means what is good for everyone.

Few pointers to aid discovery

Discovering your ordinariness is also described by many as living authentically, living from the heart or listening to your guts. These are the outcome of discovering your ordinariness and not necessarily describes the process of discovery itself.

These principles are interconnected, compliments each other and can be followed in any order of preference.

• Seeing from a distance

More than a principle, it is a pre-requisite for all other principles to work effectively. As mentioned earlier, the key reason for not able to see the illusion is the engaging nature of the world.

But fortunately, as human you are equipped with the intellect to see this engagement from a distance. One of the easiest ways to create this distance is daily meditation practice where you can observe your thoughts and feelings objectively. You are not what you see.

Sandeep realized that his son marks are not good because of his interest in music. Instead of getting admission in a private college, he encouraged him to pursue music for his further studies.

• Seeing the flow

Once you start observing everything more objectively, you start seeing your resistance to what wants to happen. Then you can swim in the same direction rather going against the tide.

When Amar started following this principle, he realized that for the next level, his management is not looking for hard work but rather creativity and innovation. When he started coming with new ideas, he soon got promoted without even sacrificing his family time.

• Seeing the big picture

Swimming with the flow of nature gives you the bird’s eye view. This view allows you to see the interconnectedness of everything and expand your view to find new opportunities.

Rajdeep later realized how much he loves kite flying and stared home delivery of kites. He not started good income, but also enjoyed advising on kites to everyone.

• Seeing every time for the first time

Cultivating don’t know mindset is the next principle. In J Krishnamuti words, the question you can ask yourself is how you would learn if there are no books. The answer lies in observing the world with openness. As an example, when you see a tree, are you really seeing the tree in front of you, or are you seeing a picture of tree in your mind.

Similarly, how you can be non-judgmental about people around without giving much weightage to your earlier experience with them?

• Seeing who is actually doing

This principle is similar to seeing from the distance but still very different. Keep asking yourself what is in your control? If asked consistently, you will be surprised how little is in your control.

Every thought coming in your mind is triggered by something. Once you see this, you may also decide to let go of thoughts and actions which are not serving you.

• Seeing what you really need

If you reflect, most of the things you need are not needs. There is nothing wrong to have more than what you need. When your values drive your mindful actions instead of your desires driving your actions can make all the difference.

Rekha later realized that instead of looks and salary, what she really wants is a humble and humorous person who can lead a life with responsibility.

• Seeing what remains unchanged

What is that one thing which remains constant in you since your childhood? Think about it for a moment. This is your presence or your witnessing everything. As a witness, you enjoy both good and bad with equanimity.

Following these principles will definitely help you know yourself. Slowly you will realize what you value and what are your unique gifts which makes things work like magic. Not only your positive side, slowly you will also start embracing your dark side, gradually living as a whole being.

Measuring the progress

When you are travelling from one place to another, it is expected to keep checking how much more distance is remaining. This inquisitiveness is natural. In the journey of discovering your ordinariness, this is a trickier question. This is because the distance to the destination on this path can be long or instant at the same time. This is because you may already be at the destination i.e. home even though you are not aware of this. This is about more and more living in the present moment, accepting reality and with full vulnerability. You are home or coming close to home if you find yourself be peaceful, compassionate, generous, being lucky or just more focused in day to day activities.

Being ordinary is your gift to the world. But don’t expect the world to recognize it right away. For this reason, being ordinary requires you to be humble and patient. Being ordinary may not lead to long-term success in your life-time. It may take a long time, there may be many ups and downs, detours, and setbacks along the way. But this success uniquely defines you because of the beautiful journey and limitless potential.

How being ordinary looks like?

Being ordinary infact looks very ordinary. You may not easily differentiate it from others. This is because this is more of internal change than outside. We can consciously redefine what it means to be ordinary. Traditionally, ordinary is associated with words like normal, standard, typical, usual. We can give it a positive spin by replacing them with words like being authentic, grounded, and peaceful.

• In tangible terms, being ordinary means living a real and fulfilling life without a constant need for external validation and approval.
• Being ordinary is a unique position, through which you may have extraordinary experiences rooted in reality.
• Being ordinary is not an act, it’s not a mask or costume you wear in order to stand out. It’s about choosing to be yourself and follow what you feel is your purpose in life.
• Being ordinary is not about seeking admiration, it’s not about chasing after fame or fortune. It’s about being yourself, regardless of the outcome.

Is it common to see the pursuit of ordinariness these days? If not, can it be said that ordinary is the new extra-ordinary?